


THAT ONE TIME I MARRIED JOE GILGUN, BEACHES!

by Sageandshit



Category: Misfits (TV 2009)
Genre: F/M, Why would you read this, dont read this, dont read this dumb shit, this isn;t even for anyone but me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-17 04:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21048194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sageandshit/pseuds/Sageandshit
Summary: In this Essay I will FUCKIN SLAM EM in this steamy, very specific fic about hoe Joe Gilgun is gonna bust it up someday.





	THAT ONE TIME I MARRIED JOE GILGUN, BEACHES!

Joe Gilgun comes to Madison WI for absolutely no reason whatsoever. All of his managers, personal friends and colleagues are all like “Uhm, oy, mate, What’ya doin’ that for?” And he’s all “Not a fuckin’ clue.”

Little does he know that Samantha Strohbusch, a hot young minx- and by hot young minx we mean a relatively attractive (when surrounded my astoundingly average-looking peers) and inching towards thirty- cast a love spell to attract her most perfect match only the night before, lit in the deep woods only by the light of a full blood moon. She howled at the stars, blood streaked down her face, begging the universe to send her an unmatched lover.

So here she sits, our fine, inching towards thirty temptress in her less-than-best ensemble of a baggy band tee and leggings, running her fingers around the rim of a beer that’s working its way towards room temperature in a more-than-divey Wisconsin bar. 

“Okay but how will you know if it worked?” Kristy, her smoking hot, hilarious, dead-pan best friend slurps an IPA like a goddamn champion and eyes Sam, curiously. “Asking for a friend.” She winks. 

“I doubt it ever will.” Sam shrugs, taking a larger than necessary gulp and grimacing. “I hate when it’s not co-” She stopped dead, mid-sentence. 

“What?” Kristy laughs and follows Sam’s eyes to the door of the bar where a tall, dark-haired man with a deliciously lanky body stood, sunglasses on in the evening shadow. 

“That man is gorgeous.” 

“That man is, like, two pounds.” 

“That is exactly what I like.” Sam smiled devilishly at Kristy and threw her beer back as if she wasn’t just previously complaining. “Can I have two more, please?” 

Beers in hand Sam, uncharacteristically confident, walked chin-up towards teh stranger at the door. 

“Hey.” She beamed. He took no notice. The problem with tall men is that unless you stand on a step stool they take no notice. “Hi!” She projected her voice. 

“Oh. Hey?” A musical british voice tumbled out of the lips she had been hope concealed a perfect smile but now she almost choked in glee. 

“Would you like a beer?” 

“Is this a come on?” He took his glasses, off cocked an eyebrow and Sam immediately thought she was going ot throw up- not out of revulsion.

It was Joe Gilgun. Possibly the most handsome person to ever walk the fucking face of the earth. 

She turned immediately around and charged towards the bathroom. She did not come out of twenty minutes. Kristy sent a search party for her. 

She thought she would die alone and forgotten in a Bathroom stall with a broken condom dispenser that had quippy messages written all over it. 

Ten years later- or possibly thirty minutes, she reemerged and slunked over to the bar, ordering two shots with no chasers. 

“Did you die?!” Kristy found her, somehow, through veils of laugh-tears, doubled over in amusement at Sam’s predicament. 

“I didn’t know. How could I have known.” She whispered in a dead voice. “I couldn’t have known.” 

“You can go over there and try again, maybe?” Kristy managed to choke out after a five minute laughing jag. 

“I’d rather die.” 

“Am I that bad?” In rom-com esque troupe, Joe Gilgun appeared behind her.

Her soul died at that moment. But she also suddenly pretended like she didn;t know Joe Gilgun was the hottest person in the world and become super cool and flirty. 

They got married. He took her to pound town and she had like fifty kids. She totally didn’t mind pushing out babies because that dick was fuckin BOMB. 

The End.


End file.
